30 September 2012
Sunday football and it's great to see the refs back on the field! People's gifts are sometimes overlooked until they are gone for a bit. The replacement refs who did their level best, but were out of their league. The fast pace, different rules, spot decisions made it overwhelming for most. When the regular refs stepped onto the field, they received a standing ovation. I think they felt the appreciation and respect from players and fans alike.
Many people are in our lives and we take them for granted. We often count on the mail showing up in the mail box, the paper delivered on the front step, the grocery store clerks, convenience store attendants and so many more people being there for us each day through their work. Confidently and competently they carry out their work that allows us to do ours. It would be incredible if we could give a standing ovation to our mail carrier, Greg, who has served our neighborhood for over 25 years. A standing ovation for the woman who works two jobs, one as a check out clerk at the grocery store and then she works over at a mortgage company so that eventually she can retire..
Who would you like to give a standing ovation to this week? Go out of your way to thank someone who does so much in the world that can be easily overlooked until it's not done. I think I am going to call the ask-a-nurse who answers my questions whether it is 3 am and I have a sick child, or 3 in the afternoon and a question about this recovery. She is always pleasant, helpful, and resourceful at getting us the help we need.
Give it some thought...and take a stand for those who are there every day in quiet ways...supporting our lives.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Excuse me, could you step outside with me???
29 September 2012
Some days are disappointing and some are surprisingly elating. Even though the soccer fields were not what each team hoped for, they had the opportunity to play in 80 degree weather. Three beautiful geese flew over the field, twin girls around 2-3 years old kicked a ball around in their bright blue shirts while their baby Great Dane trailing behind them instinctively.
We love bringing home friends after games and energy encourages me in this delight. Elementary students teach about life through their goofiness, chalk drawings, frozen yogurt creations, joys, sorrows an pace of life. They are just discovering their powers in the world and the world's powers on their lives. They explore what makes their heart soar and sink. They are in the process of choosing friends, sports tracks, academic focus, behavior traits, and so much more.
They remind me and hopefully us what choices we have in life and recognizing them when they are presented. Life opens up so many more windows than we could ever dream, for if we step outside our frame of reference, we discover there were no walls or ceilings at all, only self limitations creates by fear. I could be coming through summer and the beginning of fall with these young wise souls and having time to listen with my heart that allows these glimpses.
Please take time to step outside your walls with me and notice those children who are fresh from our Creator. They come bearing priceless gifts of simple, yet profound wisdom. Through this recovery time, I am recovering as much from perpetual motion and doing as from the surgical stab wounds healing up. Try not to rush things. As Miracle Max in one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride says, "You rush miracles, you get rotten miracles." Let it develop instead of rushing things, people, spirits through. While in this last quarter of recovery, it is my challenge and an invitation. Could you step outside with me???
Some days are disappointing and some are surprisingly elating. Even though the soccer fields were not what each team hoped for, they had the opportunity to play in 80 degree weather. Three beautiful geese flew over the field, twin girls around 2-3 years old kicked a ball around in their bright blue shirts while their baby Great Dane trailing behind them instinctively.
We love bringing home friends after games and energy encourages me in this delight. Elementary students teach about life through their goofiness, chalk drawings, frozen yogurt creations, joys, sorrows an pace of life. They are just discovering their powers in the world and the world's powers on their lives. They explore what makes their heart soar and sink. They are in the process of choosing friends, sports tracks, academic focus, behavior traits, and so much more.
They remind me and hopefully us what choices we have in life and recognizing them when they are presented. Life opens up so many more windows than we could ever dream, for if we step outside our frame of reference, we discover there were no walls or ceilings at all, only self limitations creates by fear. I could be coming through summer and the beginning of fall with these young wise souls and having time to listen with my heart that allows these glimpses.
Please take time to step outside your walls with me and notice those children who are fresh from our Creator. They come bearing priceless gifts of simple, yet profound wisdom. Through this recovery time, I am recovering as much from perpetual motion and doing as from the surgical stab wounds healing up. Try not to rush things. As Miracle Max in one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride says, "You rush miracles, you get rotten miracles." Let it develop instead of rushing things, people, spirits through. While in this last quarter of recovery, it is my challenge and an invitation. Could you step outside with me???
Friday, September 28, 2012
Eye Opening
28 September 2012
I witnessed a miracle tonight and I am riding high on the spirit that carried through the place. Three days before school started, a friend had a major stroke that left her life in the balance. Initially, things didn't look good. She has worked at our elementary school since it opened and the children love, love, love her! Tonight, she walked through the hallways, gym and spaces as if walking on air, clothed in a purple cape! She is the queen of bingo nights donating countless hours she organized, recruited, and carried out family fun nights each month.
She taught every person in our school a lesson that is difficult to teach. Giving of ourselves is priceless. Students in every classroom brought items for a themed basket for a silent auction. Children made posters to remind people about the bingo night. The silent auction inspired people to donate time at a vacation home, pay $50 for a $10 item, and create care packages. A family member brought produce to raise funds. While the bingo caller was in between "sets", there would be another announcement of a generous donation.
Giving inspires others to give. While the outsider may think it was merely a fundraiser for her, the reality became clear as she taught about the real gifts in life. She drew more people together tonight than our holiday night where all the kids sing. She drew children to her as they gave her hugs and asked if she could come back to school on Monday. She drew tears of joy when people saw her face to face.
She gave miracles out everyday in the school through her caring nature like it was candy. Tonight, I am grateful she gave us a lesson about miracles that happen all around us...truly eye opening.
I witnessed a miracle tonight and I am riding high on the spirit that carried through the place. Three days before school started, a friend had a major stroke that left her life in the balance. Initially, things didn't look good. She has worked at our elementary school since it opened and the children love, love, love her! Tonight, she walked through the hallways, gym and spaces as if walking on air, clothed in a purple cape! She is the queen of bingo nights donating countless hours she organized, recruited, and carried out family fun nights each month.
She taught every person in our school a lesson that is difficult to teach. Giving of ourselves is priceless. Students in every classroom brought items for a themed basket for a silent auction. Children made posters to remind people about the bingo night. The silent auction inspired people to donate time at a vacation home, pay $50 for a $10 item, and create care packages. A family member brought produce to raise funds. While the bingo caller was in between "sets", there would be another announcement of a generous donation.
Giving inspires others to give. While the outsider may think it was merely a fundraiser for her, the reality became clear as she taught about the real gifts in life. She drew more people together tonight than our holiday night where all the kids sing. She drew children to her as they gave her hugs and asked if she could come back to school on Monday. She drew tears of joy when people saw her face to face.
She gave miracles out everyday in the school through her caring nature like it was candy. Tonight, I am grateful she gave us a lesson about miracles that happen all around us...truly eye opening.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Need to be Needed
27 September 2012
Where did my motivation go? My body feels as sluggish as a car rebelling against starting in the 30 below zero weather. Being needed is a huge part of motivation if you ask me. When I hear a small voice in the middle of the night, I am motivated to get moving in 60 seconds or less. When I receive a call that someone is dying, I can be anywhere in town within minutes. Watching my neighbor's dog makes it easy to wake up with the stars and take care of her.
Perhaps we all have a need to be needed. At a wedding this past summer, I sat next to the great grandmother and grandfather of the groom. They were both in their 90's. Since the meal was served buffet style, they needed someone to get their food for them. They were truly loved and respected and very cherished in their family. But when their dinner requests were being taken, it sounded like someone asking a child what they would like for dinner. Later, the grandfather said, "when you get old, you just get in the way and become a burden." Another friend of mine in her late 80's said, "at my age, food is really all you have to look forward to each day."
I wonder if they were grieving how they used to be needed. I wonder if they see how they are needed in different way today. I wonder if they were remembering those times they plowed the fields, brought water up from the well, received such respect when they voiced their opinions and guidance, brought those seeking to do right by them into the world. And now, the question of "am I needed anymore" seems to be spoken without a word uttered.
I have a deeper respect for those who are home bound; those who depend on others to buy and bring food; those who are bathed by someone who chooses the time and frequency; those who have time to sit and wait and wonder in the world. This recovery time shows me it isn't an easy calling to allow yourself to need someone else. Having regular chores or routines taken away, even temporarily gives me an insight into what it must be like for friends who do this for years. I believe their wisdom and patience and prayers are deeply blessed by God and have yet to be fully recognized by us.
I am ready now. Motivation has increased due to sharing with you. When I don't want to do something and prefer to melt into the couch, remind me it is a blessing to have work to do. There is grace in having things that need to be done. For there are others who wish they could walk, wish they could garden, wish they could clean but no longer can. It isn't meant to be our sole mode of operating...in perpetual work...but, rather, recognizing the holy work in the everyday routines.
Where did my motivation go? My body feels as sluggish as a car rebelling against starting in the 30 below zero weather. Being needed is a huge part of motivation if you ask me. When I hear a small voice in the middle of the night, I am motivated to get moving in 60 seconds or less. When I receive a call that someone is dying, I can be anywhere in town within minutes. Watching my neighbor's dog makes it easy to wake up with the stars and take care of her.
Perhaps we all have a need to be needed. At a wedding this past summer, I sat next to the great grandmother and grandfather of the groom. They were both in their 90's. Since the meal was served buffet style, they needed someone to get their food for them. They were truly loved and respected and very cherished in their family. But when their dinner requests were being taken, it sounded like someone asking a child what they would like for dinner. Later, the grandfather said, "when you get old, you just get in the way and become a burden." Another friend of mine in her late 80's said, "at my age, food is really all you have to look forward to each day."
I wonder if they were grieving how they used to be needed. I wonder if they see how they are needed in different way today. I wonder if they were remembering those times they plowed the fields, brought water up from the well, received such respect when they voiced their opinions and guidance, brought those seeking to do right by them into the world. And now, the question of "am I needed anymore" seems to be spoken without a word uttered.
I have a deeper respect for those who are home bound; those who depend on others to buy and bring food; those who are bathed by someone who chooses the time and frequency; those who have time to sit and wait and wonder in the world. This recovery time shows me it isn't an easy calling to allow yourself to need someone else. Having regular chores or routines taken away, even temporarily gives me an insight into what it must be like for friends who do this for years. I believe their wisdom and patience and prayers are deeply blessed by God and have yet to be fully recognized by us.
I am ready now. Motivation has increased due to sharing with you. When I don't want to do something and prefer to melt into the couch, remind me it is a blessing to have work to do. There is grace in having things that need to be done. For there are others who wish they could walk, wish they could garden, wish they could clean but no longer can. It isn't meant to be our sole mode of operating...in perpetual work...but, rather, recognizing the holy work in the everyday routines.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wounded Healer
26 September 2012
My soul is weary and overwhelmed with no apparent reason. The expectations of ones looking at me is that I should be fully charged and ready to go. (Maybe those are my expectations!) Volunteering, cooking, cleaning, lifting... all are a bit challenging and still exhausting. It's difficult to explain how raw the scraping of those inner organs creates many open sores needing to heal internally.
Inside wounds are like that, aren't they. From the outside, the body can look put together, capable, ready to run your socks off, charge on ahead. However, on the inside, things are still healing. We often heal from the inside out. Simply reaching for a bowl can create a zinging reminder that we aren't done healing inside. Doubled over pain is saved for the extremely stupid stuff I do periodically.
All of us are healing in one way or another. Healing from an emotional wound, healing from an action we regret, healing from being hurt or violated intentionally even years ago. Life means seeking healing and wholeness by One who rose from the grave with wounds on His hands and feet...He is the One who walks with us still in the Spirit...He walks as a Wounded Healer.
Henri Nouwen wrote a book called, "Wounded Healer" a few years ago. The writer shares how we each are wounded healers in the world. Walking together in the Spirit of Christ, may we touch the healing heart of Christ as he reaches out and heals out deepest pain. Let yourself heal. Give it time. Receive the love that changes everything.
My soul is weary and overwhelmed with no apparent reason. The expectations of ones looking at me is that I should be fully charged and ready to go. (Maybe those are my expectations!) Volunteering, cooking, cleaning, lifting... all are a bit challenging and still exhausting. It's difficult to explain how raw the scraping of those inner organs creates many open sores needing to heal internally.
Inside wounds are like that, aren't they. From the outside, the body can look put together, capable, ready to run your socks off, charge on ahead. However, on the inside, things are still healing. We often heal from the inside out. Simply reaching for a bowl can create a zinging reminder that we aren't done healing inside. Doubled over pain is saved for the extremely stupid stuff I do periodically.
All of us are healing in one way or another. Healing from an emotional wound, healing from an action we regret, healing from being hurt or violated intentionally even years ago. Life means seeking healing and wholeness by One who rose from the grave with wounds on His hands and feet...He is the One who walks with us still in the Spirit...He walks as a Wounded Healer.
Henri Nouwen wrote a book called, "Wounded Healer" a few years ago. The writer shares how we each are wounded healers in the world. Walking together in the Spirit of Christ, may we touch the healing heart of Christ as he reaches out and heals out deepest pain. Let yourself heal. Give it time. Receive the love that changes everything.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Rest Time
25 September 2012
When we were younger, we began life having rest time. Eventually, we resisted. Temper tantrums, pretending to do what we were suppose to, and sometimes, we slept. I need to sleep. After waiting for a call during the night, I placed my consciousness on alert. The result being no sleep. Not a big deal except trying to write something to keep to my 40 day/night commitment. Tonight we rest. If you haven't had enough sleep, consider making it a priority tonight.
And...consider
"Our hearts are restless until we find our rest in thee" wrote St. Augustine.
Good night!
When we were younger, we began life having rest time. Eventually, we resisted. Temper tantrums, pretending to do what we were suppose to, and sometimes, we slept. I need to sleep. After waiting for a call during the night, I placed my consciousness on alert. The result being no sleep. Not a big deal except trying to write something to keep to my 40 day/night commitment. Tonight we rest. If you haven't had enough sleep, consider making it a priority tonight.
And...consider
"Our hearts are restless until we find our rest in thee" wrote St. Augustine.
Good night!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Peace
24 September 2012
Monday begins while the stars shine brightly. The warmth of today's sun give a false sense of summer. Traces of fall fingerprint themselves with empty spaces in a raised bed, flowers giving way to seeds, leaves showing off yellows, oranges and reds.
I received a call that a dear friend had a stroke last night. I went to the hospital to see her, but she was unresponsive...and to some it may seem like a one way conversation. For me it was a reminder that I could share what talked about many times before. Memories, faith, life, death, family and everything in between. We prayed, we remembered God's promises, we confessed our sins, we took comfort that The Good Shepherd restores our souls.
Her time on earth is giving way to a larger mystery and reality that I have great faith is true. God loves us more than we could ever imagine and as we let go, we are enveloped in that love for eternity. My love for a friend is only a fraction of the fullness she will soon enjoy. I believe the peace that goes beyond my understanding (and I am guessing yours, too).
So, when I will go back after dinner to see her, we will remember again those promises and peace that carry us through and into life.
Monday begins while the stars shine brightly. The warmth of today's sun give a false sense of summer. Traces of fall fingerprint themselves with empty spaces in a raised bed, flowers giving way to seeds, leaves showing off yellows, oranges and reds.
I received a call that a dear friend had a stroke last night. I went to the hospital to see her, but she was unresponsive...and to some it may seem like a one way conversation. For me it was a reminder that I could share what talked about many times before. Memories, faith, life, death, family and everything in between. We prayed, we remembered God's promises, we confessed our sins, we took comfort that The Good Shepherd restores our souls.
Her time on earth is giving way to a larger mystery and reality that I have great faith is true. God loves us more than we could ever imagine and as we let go, we are enveloped in that love for eternity. My love for a friend is only a fraction of the fullness she will soon enjoy. I believe the peace that goes beyond my understanding (and I am guessing yours, too).
So, when I will go back after dinner to see her, we will remember again those promises and peace that carry us through and into life.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Stressing Out??? Here's a Promise!
23 September 2012
"Where have you been?" Remember when you came in late to curfew and a waiting parent ambushed you straight away...firing the question. A partner comes how after you expect and the question spills out before your can prevent it. Depending on which side of the question you are on, one thing you both have in common is stress. Stress and worry that something has happened to your teenager who is out 'til 3am...stress and worry that your parent/s will be awake when you get home. Stress and anxiety when three hours go by and your partner isn't back...stress and anxiety as you deal with what's holding you back.
Stress, worry, anxiety, fear all rob us of life...sucking it away one minute, one hour, one week at a time. We either worry about the past...things over and done already. It pulls us back it with would-da, could-da, should-da. My counselor used to say, "Don't should on yourself!" The other way we are robbed of life comes when the future drags us forward as if our foot got stuck in the stirrup of a sprinting race horse. The anxiety paralyzes the spirit as fear seeps in for something that hasn't even happened yet.
Our seven year almost whispered under her breath as we did homework last week, "I'm stressed and worry all the time at school." The next day I asked her to write down the time of day and what was happening. Turns out testing pushed those buttons in this conscientious nine year old. Can I do it? Do I measure up to the expectations? What will happen to me if I fail?
Stressed out? Feeling out of control? Head and shoulders tightening or stomach aching? Try what I told my daughter...breathe. Literally take a deep breath in through your nose for at least four counts. Now without stopping your breath at the top, roll it over to release the breath out through your mouth for the same number of counts. Close your eyes if you can. Repeat. Stay present without letting the past drag you back or the future pull you forward. Stay present...acknowledging and letting go of any thoughts that rise up.
Stay present today as this week begins. No testing will diminish your birthright as a child of God. You are loved. You are cared for and belong to One who will NEVER fail you...it's a promise.
"Where have you been?" Remember when you came in late to curfew and a waiting parent ambushed you straight away...firing the question. A partner comes how after you expect and the question spills out before your can prevent it. Depending on which side of the question you are on, one thing you both have in common is stress. Stress and worry that something has happened to your teenager who is out 'til 3am...stress and worry that your parent/s will be awake when you get home. Stress and anxiety when three hours go by and your partner isn't back...stress and anxiety as you deal with what's holding you back.
Stress, worry, anxiety, fear all rob us of life...sucking it away one minute, one hour, one week at a time. We either worry about the past...things over and done already. It pulls us back it with would-da, could-da, should-da. My counselor used to say, "Don't should on yourself!" The other way we are robbed of life comes when the future drags us forward as if our foot got stuck in the stirrup of a sprinting race horse. The anxiety paralyzes the spirit as fear seeps in for something that hasn't even happened yet.
Our seven year almost whispered under her breath as we did homework last week, "I'm stressed and worry all the time at school." The next day I asked her to write down the time of day and what was happening. Turns out testing pushed those buttons in this conscientious nine year old. Can I do it? Do I measure up to the expectations? What will happen to me if I fail?
Stressed out? Feeling out of control? Head and shoulders tightening or stomach aching? Try what I told my daughter...breathe. Literally take a deep breath in through your nose for at least four counts. Now without stopping your breath at the top, roll it over to release the breath out through your mouth for the same number of counts. Close your eyes if you can. Repeat. Stay present without letting the past drag you back or the future pull you forward. Stay present...acknowledging and letting go of any thoughts that rise up.
Stay present today as this week begins. No testing will diminish your birthright as a child of God. You are loved. You are cared for and belong to One who will NEVER fail you...it's a promise.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Life is Good!!!
22 September 2012
Life is Good!!! This birthday unfolded at a pace of it's own. My husband's birthday celebrates love, relationships, and responsibilities. The girls woke up continuing the hours spent creating a restaurant menu for the evening meal. The popped up and began collaborating on their project. I spun over to get groceries and balloons, leaving the younger ones with paper streamers, balloons, batman decos (since I married Bruce Wayne!), and photos of the birthday boy. You should have seen their creativity!!!
Our family tradition wakes up the birthday person with "You Say It's Your Birthday" by the Beatles. In fact, if you have it or get a chance to listen to the link below...take time to act silly! Our festivities begin with dancing, throwing balloons around, woo hooing, and celebrating life together. Baking up some things for the evening dinner, things shifted to soccer dates. My husband coaches a second grade team...and no one parties like second grade girls. Lots of squeals, laughter, distractions (oh look... a bird! Doesn't that cloud look like a caterpillar?!) and focus after the game as they soak in the praise, guidance and attention.
Lunch tradition is Paradiso's, a local Mexican restaurant. Next came the indoor Ferris wheel at Scheel's, a destination sporting goods sport and much more I wanted my husband to get some much needed shoes that were good for his feet, since he hardly ever sits still! It's difficult for him to spend money on himself, so these are opportunities to let go of the old. This is hard for him to do. He actually has tshirts and hats from college. Okay, guys! I get it and I don't.. How many hats does a guy need???
Menopause is setting in a bit more. Mainly I am tired and pain kicks up when I push too hard. Today I am spent. Hot flashes aren't so bad, but friends tell me they may not be in full swing. I went through chemically induced menopause at 27 with the Lupron Depot shot designed to keep endometriosis from growing. It didn't work, but it was interested doing this at the same time my mom was starting menopause. I will be grateful for hot flashes when it's 20 below zero this winter!
My focus is compromised. I notice it most when I am driving. My husband helped me realize this. I passed the exit two times in one day and had to turn around. I took wrong roads in an area that is a bit confusing, but shouldn't have been that labored. This is a farming community. Look at it from above and you will see squares, perfect grids blocking out land. Fields shape life everywhere in ND.
We closed the day with a date created by our two daughters. Their restaurant was complete with menus, service, aprons they sewed with grandma, and them joining us and enjoying the compliments. Beaming...absolute beams sprang from their hearts. Yes, life is good! Life is Good!
Life is Good!!! This birthday unfolded at a pace of it's own. My husband's birthday celebrates love, relationships, and responsibilities. The girls woke up continuing the hours spent creating a restaurant menu for the evening meal. The popped up and began collaborating on their project. I spun over to get groceries and balloons, leaving the younger ones with paper streamers, balloons, batman decos (since I married Bruce Wayne!), and photos of the birthday boy. You should have seen their creativity!!!
Our family tradition wakes up the birthday person with "You Say It's Your Birthday" by the Beatles. In fact, if you have it or get a chance to listen to the link below...take time to act silly! Our festivities begin with dancing, throwing balloons around, woo hooing, and celebrating life together. Baking up some things for the evening dinner, things shifted to soccer dates. My husband coaches a second grade team...and no one parties like second grade girls. Lots of squeals, laughter, distractions (oh look... a bird! Doesn't that cloud look like a caterpillar?!) and focus after the game as they soak in the praise, guidance and attention.
Lunch tradition is Paradiso's, a local Mexican restaurant. Next came the indoor Ferris wheel at Scheel's, a destination sporting goods sport and much more I wanted my husband to get some much needed shoes that were good for his feet, since he hardly ever sits still! It's difficult for him to spend money on himself, so these are opportunities to let go of the old. This is hard for him to do. He actually has tshirts and hats from college. Okay, guys! I get it and I don't.. How many hats does a guy need???
Menopause is setting in a bit more. Mainly I am tired and pain kicks up when I push too hard. Today I am spent. Hot flashes aren't so bad, but friends tell me they may not be in full swing. I went through chemically induced menopause at 27 with the Lupron Depot shot designed to keep endometriosis from growing. It didn't work, but it was interested doing this at the same time my mom was starting menopause. I will be grateful for hot flashes when it's 20 below zero this winter!
My focus is compromised. I notice it most when I am driving. My husband helped me realize this. I passed the exit two times in one day and had to turn around. I took wrong roads in an area that is a bit confusing, but shouldn't have been that labored. This is a farming community. Look at it from above and you will see squares, perfect grids blocking out land. Fields shape life everywhere in ND.
We closed the day with a date created by our two daughters. Their restaurant was complete with menus, service, aprons they sewed with grandma, and them joining us and enjoying the compliments. Beaming...absolute beams sprang from their hearts. Yes, life is good! Life is Good!
Friday, September 21, 2012
I'm Surrounded!!!
21 September 2012
Winds howl through late afternoon from the North. A chill will bring frost soon. The winds sound agitated right now, as if summer is wrestling fall for today's season. Hard to tell who's winning when it's 64 degrees with a 40 mph gust making it feel like 48 degrees...and I love it.
Even though I am agitated myself, in pain, short tempered at present and need to rest, I respect the power of the wind tossing around sturdy branches effortlessly as though they were feathers. This invisible force changes seasons, tides, temperature and balance... and it has changed me. When I first moved to North Dakota, it felt naked driving in having just left living in the East. I grew up in Minnesota, so one wouldn't think ND would be much different.
It's the openness that's changed me. I love witnessing this morning's penetrating deep blue dotted with stars yield to the brilliant sun lighting up clouds with oranges, purples, and pinks...and now falling to the horizon back lighting clouds as if they were reflecting heaven itself. The power of the elements that can kill you if you don't respect it.
a
Today I respect the forces that can kill or heal, sting or sooth, strand or rescue. They reside simultaneously inside and outside our bodies. Whether we respect them or not can lead to our healing or our death. It amazes me how God has given us wisdom and how we often decline to us it.
I choose to be present and attentive because I'm surrounded!!! WE are surrounded by the Spirit of Life.
P.S. The poem below means a great deal to me and I wanted to share it with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdEmHgMYNMs "If you're not from the Prairie" by D. Bouchard
P.P.S. If you've undergone this surgery, note...watch out for week three. It's a bear. Back to prescription meds periodically mid week three to four. Respect the beginning of week four and life will be fuller each day. Tiring being out in public and keeping energy up for the environment. I realize it's hard to relax, but respect the healing process. Even doing that is a type of devotion and discipline for type A's especially! :)
Winds howl through late afternoon from the North. A chill will bring frost soon. The winds sound agitated right now, as if summer is wrestling fall for today's season. Hard to tell who's winning when it's 64 degrees with a 40 mph gust making it feel like 48 degrees...and I love it.
Even though I am agitated myself, in pain, short tempered at present and need to rest, I respect the power of the wind tossing around sturdy branches effortlessly as though they were feathers. This invisible force changes seasons, tides, temperature and balance... and it has changed me. When I first moved to North Dakota, it felt naked driving in having just left living in the East. I grew up in Minnesota, so one wouldn't think ND would be much different.
It's the openness that's changed me. I love witnessing this morning's penetrating deep blue dotted with stars yield to the brilliant sun lighting up clouds with oranges, purples, and pinks...and now falling to the horizon back lighting clouds as if they were reflecting heaven itself. The power of the elements that can kill you if you don't respect it.
a
Today I respect the forces that can kill or heal, sting or sooth, strand or rescue. They reside simultaneously inside and outside our bodies. Whether we respect them or not can lead to our healing or our death. It amazes me how God has given us wisdom and how we often decline to us it.
I choose to be present and attentive because I'm surrounded!!! WE are surrounded by the Spirit of Life.
P.S. The poem below means a great deal to me and I wanted to share it with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdEmHgMYNMs "If you're not from the Prairie" by D. Bouchard
P.P.S. If you've undergone this surgery, note...watch out for week three. It's a bear. Back to prescription meds periodically mid week three to four. Respect the beginning of week four and life will be fuller each day. Tiring being out in public and keeping energy up for the environment. I realize it's hard to relax, but respect the healing process. Even doing that is a type of devotion and discipline for type A's especially! :)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Superwoman or a Costume in Disguise
20 September 2012
Superwoman had a hideous costume if you ask me. Strong criticism? Yes. Why? She begins her career as Superman's wife in 1947 (fully clothed, by the way). Her powers always temporary and story always short lived. No one knows quite what to do with her. A strong woman on her own couldn't be allowed.
Comic book fans, I hear you. Her original costume reflected her husband's. Her identity forms first out of a dream, then out of a "spell", around her connection to a man. Her identity came out of Superman. Lois Lane turned into Superwoman only when Superman gave her his powers for 24 hours. I guess if you Superman's wife, you marry into certain role expectations.
Different groups try and take possession of her story. She turned into an evil counterpart to Wonder Woman (by 1964) who existed in a parallel universe. 1979 she takes it all off in an adult film. 1980 plays her in the future (1999/2000) with a split roles (in my opinion almost personality/identity) as Governor of Florida by day/Superwoman by night. This is taken into 1998's graphic novel where her nickname is "Queen Bitch".(1. Source for Super Woman history.)
My point? A human Superwoman doesn't exist. We each make her over in our own image and try and take possession of her for our own advantage/demise. Let her go. Culture tried to warp, manipulate, control, and brainwash her.
Our model can only be the One in Whose Image we are created...God. God is God and we are not (thank God!). We are called to approach life in her Spirit, but not expected to fully be Her. We reflect Her in our lives and give thanks to Her for working for peace, justice, and peace.
Today, I rest in Her image and Marvel at how we still seek to control her. Let Her Be...Let Her BE!
For those of you reading the Bible, we often get caught up with Proverbs 31 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31&version=NIV)2.
Yet, like many things, we need to do our homework instead of just drawing conclusions at a glance. This point the fact that we are describing attributes of God. "In fact, some argue that the "capable wife" of verses 10-31 does not refer to any actual woman (she's too good to be true!) but to the ideal of Woman Wisdom herself. Indeed, several verses are reminiscent of earlier depictions of Woman Wisdom in Proverbs. " 3 Professor Coen also points out that what isn't mentioned is just as powerful as what is mentioned. Her worth isn't connected to a man, pregnancy isn't mentioned (how women's worth was often calculated), and it doesn't describe her physical appearance...often how "superwoman" is valued today.
Keep this in mind when you read Proverbs 31. :)
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superwoman
2. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31&version=NIV
3. http://www.workingpreacher.org/preaching.aspx?lect_date=9/23/2012&tab=2
Superwoman had a hideous costume if you ask me. Strong criticism? Yes. Why? She begins her career as Superman's wife in 1947 (fully clothed, by the way). Her powers always temporary and story always short lived. No one knows quite what to do with her. A strong woman on her own couldn't be allowed.
Comic book fans, I hear you. Her original costume reflected her husband's. Her identity forms first out of a dream, then out of a "spell", around her connection to a man. Her identity came out of Superman. Lois Lane turned into Superwoman only when Superman gave her his powers for 24 hours. I guess if you Superman's wife, you marry into certain role expectations.
Different groups try and take possession of her story. She turned into an evil counterpart to Wonder Woman (by 1964) who existed in a parallel universe. 1979 she takes it all off in an adult film. 1980 plays her in the future (1999/2000) with a split roles (in my opinion almost personality/identity) as Governor of Florida by day/Superwoman by night. This is taken into 1998's graphic novel where her nickname is "Queen Bitch".(1. Source for Super Woman history.)
My point? A human Superwoman doesn't exist. We each make her over in our own image and try and take possession of her for our own advantage/demise. Let her go. Culture tried to warp, manipulate, control, and brainwash her.
Our model can only be the One in Whose Image we are created...God. God is God and we are not (thank God!). We are called to approach life in her Spirit, but not expected to fully be Her. We reflect Her in our lives and give thanks to Her for working for peace, justice, and peace.
Today, I rest in Her image and Marvel at how we still seek to control her. Let Her Be...Let Her BE!
For those of you reading the Bible, we often get caught up with Proverbs 31 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31&version=NIV)2.
Yet, like many things, we need to do our homework instead of just drawing conclusions at a glance. This point the fact that we are describing attributes of God. "In fact, some argue that the "capable wife" of verses 10-31 does not refer to any actual woman (she's too good to be true!) but to the ideal of Woman Wisdom herself. Indeed, several verses are reminiscent of earlier depictions of Woman Wisdom in Proverbs. " 3 Professor Coen also points out that what isn't mentioned is just as powerful as what is mentioned. Her worth isn't connected to a man, pregnancy isn't mentioned (how women's worth was often calculated), and it doesn't describe her physical appearance...often how "superwoman" is valued today.
Keep this in mind when you read Proverbs 31. :)
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superwoman
2. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31&version=NIV
3. http://www.workingpreacher.org/preaching.aspx?lect_date=9/23/2012&tab=2
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Confession
19 September 2012
Today I got put in a time out. It was definitely from what something I did...over did as a matter of fact. My husband's birthday will arrive this coming Saturday. So, I've been doing what I have a propensity to do when special occasions come about, thinking about how to make it special. The plan grows bigger than my capacity.
However, special and perfect become almost an interchangeable once I get started. Perfectionism isn't possible. I know this in my head, but my heart gets carried away. Somehow I became hardwired this way from a very young age and have been in recovery ever since...learning when to say when.
I lay out a plan, look at the time and think everything in my plan should be possible. I start with my sincere intentions for the person, enjoy creating and working, almost euphoric thinking how the efforts are worth the cost. Then, it happens...not always...but enough that it's a pattern that my closest friends can spot. Those friends love me enough to call me on it.
I start running out of time, like a deadline the night before a big project is due. Stress creeps in with the realization that it all cannot be done. And then you see...tables begin turning...and it starts becoming about me. But my heart secretly wants it to be perfect. Now, because you are so smart, you can see the problems that develop with that mindset.
Here's the good news, I confessed it to my husband. I confessed how my complete plans were more than I could ever get done by Saturday. I confessed the ridiculous thought of painting a room as a part of the gift. I confessed the plans to make the house "perfect" won't happen. Confession is good for the soul.
It takes practice, letting go and trusting that we're not called to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist except in God. It takes practice accepting love just the way we are right now. It takes practice to keep it simple. It takes a joyful practice to learn that the greatest treasures are truly free and beckon us to become free indeed.
Today I got put in a time out. It was definitely from what something I did...over did as a matter of fact. My husband's birthday will arrive this coming Saturday. So, I've been doing what I have a propensity to do when special occasions come about, thinking about how to make it special. The plan grows bigger than my capacity.
However, special and perfect become almost an interchangeable once I get started. Perfectionism isn't possible. I know this in my head, but my heart gets carried away. Somehow I became hardwired this way from a very young age and have been in recovery ever since...learning when to say when.
I lay out a plan, look at the time and think everything in my plan should be possible. I start with my sincere intentions for the person, enjoy creating and working, almost euphoric thinking how the efforts are worth the cost. Then, it happens...not always...but enough that it's a pattern that my closest friends can spot. Those friends love me enough to call me on it.
I start running out of time, like a deadline the night before a big project is due. Stress creeps in with the realization that it all cannot be done. And then you see...tables begin turning...and it starts becoming about me. But my heart secretly wants it to be perfect. Now, because you are so smart, you can see the problems that develop with that mindset.
Here's the good news, I confessed it to my husband. I confessed how my complete plans were more than I could ever get done by Saturday. I confessed the ridiculous thought of painting a room as a part of the gift. I confessed the plans to make the house "perfect" won't happen. Confession is good for the soul.
It takes practice, letting go and trusting that we're not called to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist except in God. It takes practice accepting love just the way we are right now. It takes practice to keep it simple. It takes a joyful practice to learn that the greatest treasures are truly free and beckon us to become free indeed.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Where are the Boundaries for You?
18 September 2012
Remember the boundary lines in gym when they would teach us a new sport? Dodge ball, baseball, football, basketball, hockey and they all had boundaries. These lines help us learn an understanding for how we play together. We don't automatically know them at the first practice. It takes time, practice and discipline when learning boundaries. Sometimes we are willing to cross those boundary lines. In fact, sometimes we NEED to cross the lines at times when it comes to countering injustices and inequities in the world.
Emotionally, boundaries let us know when someone is crossing too far inside or too far outside our space. Intellectually and and socially we have the laws of the land. These laws are what we agree to when we live in community. In college we called them the SPICES of life...social, physical, intellectual, chemical, emotional and spiritual dimensions of each life.
Boundaries can also be very confusing. Today I found out I accidentally crossed an intellectual boundary with the original blogspot name... so, I apologized, changed the name to the address you see now, and learned through the process. My public vocation as a pastor makes it difficult and confusing at times to distinguish a public and private life. Things I would normally keep private are public knowledge due to the nature of the community. (I sometimes laugh and say our church secretary has GPS on us... not too far off!!) Yet, we are family. In fact, in the Christian church we are named brothers and sisters when we are baptized into the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Discovering boundaries behind anger (which is a secondary emotion preventing exposure to our heart's true emotion behind that protective wall... usually something like hurt or embarrassment. Anger also helps us learn about our boundary that has been invaded or evaded. Someone has come too close to us or someone has been too distant from us.
I invite you to think about your boundaries in your SPICES of life. What helps you maintain health and wholeness? In fact, what brings healing? (And did you realize that healing is the base word for salvation?) I am learning about boundaries through this healing time. I am learning physical limits daily, chemical limits for what pills I am willing to take or not take, stimulating my intellectual side by learning new skills and reading a variety of books. You've allowed me a way to share socially. I connect with friends emotionally. For me, all of life is spiritual.
This boundary process continues throughout our lives. Where are the boundaries for you?
Remember the boundary lines in gym when they would teach us a new sport? Dodge ball, baseball, football, basketball, hockey and they all had boundaries. These lines help us learn an understanding for how we play together. We don't automatically know them at the first practice. It takes time, practice and discipline when learning boundaries. Sometimes we are willing to cross those boundary lines. In fact, sometimes we NEED to cross the lines at times when it comes to countering injustices and inequities in the world.
Emotionally, boundaries let us know when someone is crossing too far inside or too far outside our space. Intellectually and and socially we have the laws of the land. These laws are what we agree to when we live in community. In college we called them the SPICES of life...social, physical, intellectual, chemical, emotional and spiritual dimensions of each life.
Boundaries can also be very confusing. Today I found out I accidentally crossed an intellectual boundary with the original blogspot name... so, I apologized, changed the name to the address you see now, and learned through the process. My public vocation as a pastor makes it difficult and confusing at times to distinguish a public and private life. Things I would normally keep private are public knowledge due to the nature of the community. (I sometimes laugh and say our church secretary has GPS on us... not too far off!!) Yet, we are family. In fact, in the Christian church we are named brothers and sisters when we are baptized into the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Discovering boundaries behind anger (which is a secondary emotion preventing exposure to our heart's true emotion behind that protective wall... usually something like hurt or embarrassment. Anger also helps us learn about our boundary that has been invaded or evaded. Someone has come too close to us or someone has been too distant from us.
I invite you to think about your boundaries in your SPICES of life. What helps you maintain health and wholeness? In fact, what brings healing? (And did you realize that healing is the base word for salvation?) I am learning about boundaries through this healing time. I am learning physical limits daily, chemical limits for what pills I am willing to take or not take, stimulating my intellectual side by learning new skills and reading a variety of books. You've allowed me a way to share socially. I connect with friends emotionally. For me, all of life is spiritual.
This boundary process continues throughout our lives. Where are the boundaries for you?
Monday, September 17, 2012
Showing Up
17 September 2012
Today’s my best friend’s birthday! Her spirit feels close even though we live
1,600 miles apart. She was my next door
in seminary. Helped me through a time my
first marriage was rocky. We spent times
crying together when I came to the realization that I was getting
divorced. We’ve drunk more coffee
together discussing crossroads of life. She
showed up and continues to do so. She’s
even come to Fargo in February! (Now you know that’s love.)
Friends become family in how they show up. Showing up is a major part of life. When my husband’s sister died, a friend mowed
the lawn. When I got a call saying our
daughter had a major illness (which turned out to be a false positive,
thankfully), two close friends showed up at the cancer center for us. A couple friends have shown up with home
cooked meals. Others have helped with
errands that I can’t do yet due to the weight restrictions.
Purple Haze
16 September 2012
This morning the sun rises and offers a purple haze with hints of orange and pink. A friend of mine who has amazing insight wrote to me about that purple haze. Even if we don't share the same physical condition, we often share a similar spiritual condition. He writes:
"I do know of the traces of purple at sunrise and of the wilderness...its certainty of unpredictability and mystery, it's viciousness, it's beauty. As if nurturing your own inner wilderness, even in a potential moment of privacy, as sure as the sun, you raise up as you have always done from the haze to bring light, warmth, and life to strangers and friends alike. Wear the pajamas! Hang in the purple haze and let the sun find you. You need not be the sun for others during this time as you are not alone." -R.B.F.
He's right about the purple haze. Peace predominates in the purple haze. The wrestling of spirits may start the silent conversation in search of the blessing like Jacob wrestling with God in the wilderness. (See Genesis 32 for more of that story.) As much as we wrestle with God, we wrestle with ourselves. The take downs, reversals, pins, spinning around and around, landing on our backs and landing on our feet. But in the end, God interrupts our beating up on ourselves and offers a blessing. God confronts us with the reality that we are unconditionally loved, cared for, and called forth to share it with others.
Purple haze. Peace persisting in the wildest of times. Haze giving hints at what clarity is coming. Here's to peace and the purple haze.
P.S. If you haven't had your first cup of coffee yet, drink it outside. :)
This morning the sun rises and offers a purple haze with hints of orange and pink. A friend of mine who has amazing insight wrote to me about that purple haze. Even if we don't share the same physical condition, we often share a similar spiritual condition. He writes:
"I do know of the traces of purple at sunrise and of the wilderness...its certainty of unpredictability and mystery, it's viciousness, it's beauty. As if nurturing your own inner wilderness, even in a potential moment of privacy, as sure as the sun, you raise up as you have always done from the haze to bring light, warmth, and life to strangers and friends alike. Wear the pajamas! Hang in the purple haze and let the sun find you. You need not be the sun for others during this time as you are not alone." -R.B.F.
He's right about the purple haze. Peace predominates in the purple haze. The wrestling of spirits may start the silent conversation in search of the blessing like Jacob wrestling with God in the wilderness. (See Genesis 32 for more of that story.) As much as we wrestle with God, we wrestle with ourselves. The take downs, reversals, pins, spinning around and around, landing on our backs and landing on our feet. But in the end, God interrupts our beating up on ourselves and offers a blessing. God confronts us with the reality that we are unconditionally loved, cared for, and called forth to share it with others.
Purple haze. Peace persisting in the wildest of times. Haze giving hints at what clarity is coming. Here's to peace and the purple haze.
P.S. If you haven't had your first cup of coffee yet, drink it outside. :)
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Love Life
15 September 2012
Okay, so the title maybe a tad misleading...but stick with me here. Connecting with friends more means hearing about joy and sorrow. It's the sorrow, pain, wrestling questions in the lives of loved ones that means being present more than saying words. Those moments when relationship goes beyond words and the ever present, "why?!". Everyone struggles with something. No matter how picture perfect you think her/his life may be, I can almost guarantee that everyone has a struggle, a hurt, a pain that they deal with on a regular basis. Today my best friend finds herself in deep pain and anguish.
It's the proverbial "why do bad things happen to good people?" question. Why does God let tragedies exist? Why does evil seem to have such a firm grip on some lives?
When we focus on lives on evil, tragedy, or the bad stuff of life, our whole mindset gets sucked into that black hole. Things feel hopeless, pointless, unfair, and anxious. When we focus on what good, positive, or hopeful outcome that can come out of those ashes, our whole mind and heart can be transformed and healed over time, (albeit scabbed over).
Death never has the last word...life does. Life breeds hope, generosity, and sharing. A friend who used to direct a local homeless shelter described to me what it was like when a new baby was born and brought into the shelter with her mom. Obviously life had been tough for many residents for all sorts of reasons. Actions and words could become hostile at times, tempers flared. However, when that new life was brought into the shelter in the arms of her mother, everyone was on their best behavior. They supported mother and child in ways that reflects how it takes a village to raise a child. People saw how they were needed in a hands on way and it gave purpose. "The baby brought out the best in everyone," my friend reflected. Love for that new life won over dwelling on the differences, gripes, or the hardship of life everyone found themselves in.
I understand the necessity of expressing anger, sadness, depression, and pain. Those are real needs to become aware and troubled by injustices. I will spend time there with my friend today and listen. I will seek to understand her experience from her point of view and simply be there with her in the pain. However, we won't dwell there forever. Eventually, there is life that needs attention, love, and nurturing.
It may not be today, but eventually, we will explore what good can rise out of those ashes of despair and death. Can something be resurrected by and through an ever present Spirit inside each of us? I believe it can, will, and does so much more than we realize. And I pray that through the hardest times, God will help my unbelief. For in the end, love and life win over sin, death, and any evil. Love life, my friend. Love life.
Okay, so the title maybe a tad misleading...but stick with me here. Connecting with friends more means hearing about joy and sorrow. It's the sorrow, pain, wrestling questions in the lives of loved ones that means being present more than saying words. Those moments when relationship goes beyond words and the ever present, "why?!". Everyone struggles with something. No matter how picture perfect you think her/his life may be, I can almost guarantee that everyone has a struggle, a hurt, a pain that they deal with on a regular basis. Today my best friend finds herself in deep pain and anguish.
It's the proverbial "why do bad things happen to good people?" question. Why does God let tragedies exist? Why does evil seem to have such a firm grip on some lives?
When we focus on lives on evil, tragedy, or the bad stuff of life, our whole mindset gets sucked into that black hole. Things feel hopeless, pointless, unfair, and anxious. When we focus on what good, positive, or hopeful outcome that can come out of those ashes, our whole mind and heart can be transformed and healed over time, (albeit scabbed over).
Death never has the last word...life does. Life breeds hope, generosity, and sharing. A friend who used to direct a local homeless shelter described to me what it was like when a new baby was born and brought into the shelter with her mom. Obviously life had been tough for many residents for all sorts of reasons. Actions and words could become hostile at times, tempers flared. However, when that new life was brought into the shelter in the arms of her mother, everyone was on their best behavior. They supported mother and child in ways that reflects how it takes a village to raise a child. People saw how they were needed in a hands on way and it gave purpose. "The baby brought out the best in everyone," my friend reflected. Love for that new life won over dwelling on the differences, gripes, or the hardship of life everyone found themselves in.
I understand the necessity of expressing anger, sadness, depression, and pain. Those are real needs to become aware and troubled by injustices. I will spend time there with my friend today and listen. I will seek to understand her experience from her point of view and simply be there with her in the pain. However, we won't dwell there forever. Eventually, there is life that needs attention, love, and nurturing.
It may not be today, but eventually, we will explore what good can rise out of those ashes of despair and death. Can something be resurrected by and through an ever present Spirit inside each of us? I believe it can, will, and does so much more than we realize. And I pray that through the hardest times, God will help my unbelief. For in the end, love and life win over sin, death, and any evil. Love life, my friend. Love life.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Ask and it Shall be Given
14 September 2012
Friday. Most of time people have the blahs on Monday, but today they came on Friday. My body desired more sleep and the abdominal decreed rest or pain would increased. So, I cooperated by behaving and caught the clue when getting light headed, star patterns and briefly blacking out for a bit. Hard to miss those kind of clues, huh!
If you are recovering from a hysterectomy, listen to the advice...rest. Be at rest, recline, remember that all those incision sites on the inside are trying to dissolve their stitches. This third week is a tough one for many, so you are not alone.
This week is also the time when overdoing it can cause the most damage. We want this surgery to be a one time event without another fix-it event later. Walk, get outside, let your friends pamper you a bit and share what's going on because your partner cannot read your mind.
I also discovered our partners cannot read what we need medically. This morning when the unexpected pain and more fainting spells came, worry stretched across his face. Be clear how he or she can help you. Ice, heat, water, doctor trip, just sit with you, get you to bed, elevate your legs... what do you need? Be as clear as possible.
Figuring out what we need is no small matter because a good portion of the time, we may not have a clue what we need. (Sorry to say!)
Try this when communicating with your partner:
When I ____(name the situation)____,
I feel ______(feeling word...not thinking word)__,
because I __ (share how the situation impacts you personally/your beliefs)
and I need __(say what you need)____.
I could sound like this: When I am feeling wiped out and faint, I feel unmotivated because I have no energy and I need your help in getting me situated before you leave today.
OR: When I am at home recovering after a long week and see the housework needing to be done, I feel patient because I cannot rush this process and need your understanding.
The world still spins and the stars follow their courses through recovery. Don't expect mind readers around you, not matter how long you've been together. Share what you need and let the rest be.
Friday. Most of time people have the blahs on Monday, but today they came on Friday. My body desired more sleep and the abdominal decreed rest or pain would increased. So, I cooperated by behaving and caught the clue when getting light headed, star patterns and briefly blacking out for a bit. Hard to miss those kind of clues, huh!
If you are recovering from a hysterectomy, listen to the advice...rest. Be at rest, recline, remember that all those incision sites on the inside are trying to dissolve their stitches. This third week is a tough one for many, so you are not alone.
This week is also the time when overdoing it can cause the most damage. We want this surgery to be a one time event without another fix-it event later. Walk, get outside, let your friends pamper you a bit and share what's going on because your partner cannot read your mind.
I also discovered our partners cannot read what we need medically. This morning when the unexpected pain and more fainting spells came, worry stretched across his face. Be clear how he or she can help you. Ice, heat, water, doctor trip, just sit with you, get you to bed, elevate your legs... what do you need? Be as clear as possible.
Figuring out what we need is no small matter because a good portion of the time, we may not have a clue what we need. (Sorry to say!)
Try this when communicating with your partner:
When I ____(name the situation)____,
I feel ______(feeling word...not thinking word)__,
because I __ (share how the situation impacts you personally/your beliefs)
and I need __(say what you need)____.
I could sound like this: When I am feeling wiped out and faint, I feel unmotivated because I have no energy and I need your help in getting me situated before you leave today.
OR: When I am at home recovering after a long week and see the housework needing to be done, I feel patient because I cannot rush this process and need your understanding.
The world still spins and the stars follow their courses through recovery. Don't expect mind readers around you, not matter how long you've been together. Share what you need and let the rest be.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Breathe fresh air...NOW!
13 September 2012
36 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. I wimped out and drove the kids to school all of four blocks. Right now you are with me in the meditation garden created in 2009. Medora junipers embrace the back of your chair. Winnipeg roses persist in their last season blossoms of splendor. Leggy rose color petunias and tall, proud celosias hang onto their last bit of life. Flame grass dons it's feathery crown as if in a golden wheat field. Ginormous rose and purple asters burst color in back of purple stalks of Russian sage. Norwegian spruce bushes alternate with climbing purple clematis. Bird feeders, suet cakes and hummingbird nectar draw friends in flight. A tall, volunteer ash tree shades the gazebo, flanked by the persistent dogwood I once tried to kill (sorry to admit).
!My healing prayer for you and I today is GO OUTSIDE! GO!
Even if you only have fifteen minutes, bask in the sun, freeze in the cold, breathe in crisp air, dance in the rain, put your hand into the soil, step deep in the waters of rivers, seas, oceans or creeks that embrace our swimming sisters and brothers. Oneness beckons a pause as we are reflected in a larger reality called creation.
My husband who is a go getting, dare devil, humorous, loving man who likes to be in motion even finds spiritual peace outside. Even in 20 degrees below zero, I encourage him to strap on the cross country skis and glide into a rhythm that echoes a heartbeat. Our daughters stand open mouthed, jaws dropped when star gazing and learning how distant and close those stars, planets and mysteries are to our existence. Our son joins friends camping and laughing in the rejuvenating time.
GO! GO OUTSIDE...PLEASE! Let God speak to your heart, your mind, your soul in those uninterrupted, de-electroniced, opened moments made for you and you for them. No expectations. No pressures. Nothing but wonder, mystery, and perspective offered as you walk via gravity that holds your body to the dust from which you came.
As you discover this, make a vow to spend some time out here every day. Let those minutes turn into hours. (Much recommended by my friends who have an affinity for deer stands and fishing holes.) Worship out here and realize there are those on the planet who have no choice but to brave the elements. Hear the ones who hunger, the ones who thirst, the ones who ache. Recognize we are walking on common ground.
Here's to day 13 out of 40. I took the estrogen patch off yesterday. Flying solo now. I rest in God's embrace outside, collecting seeds of wisdom and sharing words that were gifted to me by countless mentors and friends. Go. Go outside... and get a breath of fresh air.
36 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. I wimped out and drove the kids to school all of four blocks. Right now you are with me in the meditation garden created in 2009. Medora junipers embrace the back of your chair. Winnipeg roses persist in their last season blossoms of splendor. Leggy rose color petunias and tall, proud celosias hang onto their last bit of life. Flame grass dons it's feathery crown as if in a golden wheat field. Ginormous rose and purple asters burst color in back of purple stalks of Russian sage. Norwegian spruce bushes alternate with climbing purple clematis. Bird feeders, suet cakes and hummingbird nectar draw friends in flight. A tall, volunteer ash tree shades the gazebo, flanked by the persistent dogwood I once tried to kill (sorry to admit).
!My healing prayer for you and I today is GO OUTSIDE! GO!
Even if you only have fifteen minutes, bask in the sun, freeze in the cold, breathe in crisp air, dance in the rain, put your hand into the soil, step deep in the waters of rivers, seas, oceans or creeks that embrace our swimming sisters and brothers. Oneness beckons a pause as we are reflected in a larger reality called creation.
My husband who is a go getting, dare devil, humorous, loving man who likes to be in motion even finds spiritual peace outside. Even in 20 degrees below zero, I encourage him to strap on the cross country skis and glide into a rhythm that echoes a heartbeat. Our daughters stand open mouthed, jaws dropped when star gazing and learning how distant and close those stars, planets and mysteries are to our existence. Our son joins friends camping and laughing in the rejuvenating time.
GO! GO OUTSIDE...PLEASE! Let God speak to your heart, your mind, your soul in those uninterrupted, de-electroniced, opened moments made for you and you for them. No expectations. No pressures. Nothing but wonder, mystery, and perspective offered as you walk via gravity that holds your body to the dust from which you came.
As you discover this, make a vow to spend some time out here every day. Let those minutes turn into hours. (Much recommended by my friends who have an affinity for deer stands and fishing holes.) Worship out here and realize there are those on the planet who have no choice but to brave the elements. Hear the ones who hunger, the ones who thirst, the ones who ache. Recognize we are walking on common ground.
Here's to day 13 out of 40. I took the estrogen patch off yesterday. Flying solo now. I rest in God's embrace outside, collecting seeds of wisdom and sharing words that were gifted to me by countless mentors and friends. Go. Go outside... and get a breath of fresh air.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
It's All Good!
12 September 2012
It's all good! During last year's PTA leadership when volunteers were slim, I said that a LOT!!! This is what I say when I get under pressure or am facing a daunting situation. It's all good! It's in part to calm my nerves and those around me. However, it's also to remember that this too shall pass... sometimes like a kidney stone... but it shall pass! In the big picture, "it's all good" puts this moment into perspective. It's usually not life or death...it's a learning opportunity.
So, I'm learning! Yesterday was a "it's all good" type of day. My head needed reminding that my body has some more recuperating to do yet. Like many others, I got full of myself and did too much too soon. (Hindsight, I should have known that water the whole yard, tending the garden and watering the landscaping was not the most brilliant idea I've had!).
God knows you need energy, support, healing and community. Somehow you found yourself here today. No matter what kind of day you've had so far, realize it really is all good. Why? Because no matter what tomorrow brings, we know that God holds tomorrow... and the day after that... and the day after that. God holds you as a precious daughter/ son. You matter. You make a difference. You change the world by just being in it.
I'm learning how pain and exhaustion provide solid feedback on my body's limits. Today, I behaved and things are better. Getting stronger mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually includes finding our limits, taking care of ourselves, and realizing pain and exhaustion aren't enemies...the are informers of how far we can go. So, even if today has been a cruddy day, it's all good... and tomorrow will be another day.
.
It's all good! During last year's PTA leadership when volunteers were slim, I said that a LOT!!! This is what I say when I get under pressure or am facing a daunting situation. It's all good! It's in part to calm my nerves and those around me. However, it's also to remember that this too shall pass... sometimes like a kidney stone... but it shall pass! In the big picture, "it's all good" puts this moment into perspective. It's usually not life or death...it's a learning opportunity.
So, I'm learning! Yesterday was a "it's all good" type of day. My head needed reminding that my body has some more recuperating to do yet. Like many others, I got full of myself and did too much too soon. (Hindsight, I should have known that water the whole yard, tending the garden and watering the landscaping was not the most brilliant idea I've had!).
God knows you need energy, support, healing and community. Somehow you found yourself here today. No matter what kind of day you've had so far, realize it really is all good. Why? Because no matter what tomorrow brings, we know that God holds tomorrow... and the day after that... and the day after that. God holds you as a precious daughter/ son. You matter. You make a difference. You change the world by just being in it.
I'm learning how pain and exhaustion provide solid feedback on my body's limits. Today, I behaved and things are better. Getting stronger mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually includes finding our limits, taking care of ourselves, and realizing pain and exhaustion aren't enemies...the are informers of how far we can go. So, even if today has been a cruddy day, it's all good... and tomorrow will be another day.
.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Remembering 9-11
11 September 2012
Where were you? Those moments that hold pivotal events such as 9-11 unite and repel us simultaneously. We remember the way we watched minute by minute and hour by hour hoping for some word that filled in the "why" that lingers still today. We remember the awkwardly quieted skies as planes were temporarily grounded. We remember the beginning of a war and the yearning for peace.
Cascading waters cradle the names of people whose ashes rained down that day. A field marks the bravery of people who took action when facing certain death. Black granite marks where ordinary workers died going about their daily tasks.
Collectively, we come together and re-member because scattering or forgetting would cut us off from ourselves. Humanity ultimately stands as one no matter which country, race, or age we define ourselves. The whole world remembers and we pause...
Physically, my body revolts today, as though knowing the date. My right side all of the sudden has a spot that hurts. So...knocked on my...butt...it's a day to rest, remember, and realize recovery takes time...no matter what the injury.
Where were you? Those moments that hold pivotal events such as 9-11 unite and repel us simultaneously. We remember the way we watched minute by minute and hour by hour hoping for some word that filled in the "why" that lingers still today. We remember the awkwardly quieted skies as planes were temporarily grounded. We remember the beginning of a war and the yearning for peace.
Cascading waters cradle the names of people whose ashes rained down that day. A field marks the bravery of people who took action when facing certain death. Black granite marks where ordinary workers died going about their daily tasks.
Collectively, we come together and re-member because scattering or forgetting would cut us off from ourselves. Humanity ultimately stands as one no matter which country, race, or age we define ourselves. The whole world remembers and we pause...
Physically, my body revolts today, as though knowing the date. My right side all of the sudden has a spot that hurts. So...knocked on my...butt...it's a day to rest, remember, and realize recovery takes time...no matter what the injury.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Gratitude on a Monday
10 September 2012
It's Monday! Thank you for all the encouragement, story sharing, and comments on face book. Over 1,000 of you have experienced life in such a way that compassion, humility, and dare I say...humor! flow through your words. Those seeds grow, mature, and and prove as fruitful as a zucchini plant in August. You are abundant, prolific, and generous beyond what you first dreamed. Amazing how one seed fed and nourished can produce enough to share with those whom we call neighbors.
There are no words deep enough or profound enough to express my gratitude.
Its strange how after a season of harvest, I am back to the beginning of the cycle. Dried out husks, shriveled green bean and pea pods, shaken out petunias and celosias pour out their promise for next spring. Right now they are stored energy awaiting their chance to fully die and be born again in the life of the next generation. The original plant's purpose grows tall, strong and vital, not for merely it's own life, but gives it's self over to bear fruit for others. This living, dying, and rising again is reflected in every day's sunrise, daytime, twilight, and sunset. We see it in plants across the globe. We witness it in the faces of babies, juveniles, young adults and elders until their death.
What are you willing to give your life for during your (hopefully) 8-10 decades on the planet? Where do you serve and why? Who inspires you to offer yourself as patiently as a nursing mother or playing child? How will your actions define those core beliefs you describe?
When having conversation with struggling couples, I ask them if they are willing to die for each other. Most say yes. Then, I reply that the work they need to do should be a reasonable alternative to death. Giving or sharing our true self takes courage. There could always be those that lodge an easy poison through words meant to tear down and/or kill the essence of who we are. Taking the risk to bear fruit shows belief beyond ourselves, our lifetimes, and our resources. We offer up what energy we possess into a pool of greater good that changes the world for the better one blossom, one fruit, one harvest, one life at a time.
I've discovered that spending time outside broadens my view and my health. The cycles put things in perspective. The open sky full of stars and planets reminds me of the dust I am and the dust to which I will return someday. The shower chair is being returned. The energy comes in waves and increases a bit each day. When I take care of this body which carries my spirit, I find more reason to surrender, be present and patient in both senses of the word. Thank you for sharing your harvest, dear friends. Thank you.
It's Monday! Thank you for all the encouragement, story sharing, and comments on face book. Over 1,000 of you have experienced life in such a way that compassion, humility, and dare I say...humor! flow through your words. Those seeds grow, mature, and and prove as fruitful as a zucchini plant in August. You are abundant, prolific, and generous beyond what you first dreamed. Amazing how one seed fed and nourished can produce enough to share with those whom we call neighbors.
There are no words deep enough or profound enough to express my gratitude.
Its strange how after a season of harvest, I am back to the beginning of the cycle. Dried out husks, shriveled green bean and pea pods, shaken out petunias and celosias pour out their promise for next spring. Right now they are stored energy awaiting their chance to fully die and be born again in the life of the next generation. The original plant's purpose grows tall, strong and vital, not for merely it's own life, but gives it's self over to bear fruit for others. This living, dying, and rising again is reflected in every day's sunrise, daytime, twilight, and sunset. We see it in plants across the globe. We witness it in the faces of babies, juveniles, young adults and elders until their death.
What are you willing to give your life for during your (hopefully) 8-10 decades on the planet? Where do you serve and why? Who inspires you to offer yourself as patiently as a nursing mother or playing child? How will your actions define those core beliefs you describe?
When having conversation with struggling couples, I ask them if they are willing to die for each other. Most say yes. Then, I reply that the work they need to do should be a reasonable alternative to death. Giving or sharing our true self takes courage. There could always be those that lodge an easy poison through words meant to tear down and/or kill the essence of who we are. Taking the risk to bear fruit shows belief beyond ourselves, our lifetimes, and our resources. We offer up what energy we possess into a pool of greater good that changes the world for the better one blossom, one fruit, one harvest, one life at a time.
I've discovered that spending time outside broadens my view and my health. The cycles put things in perspective. The open sky full of stars and planets reminds me of the dust I am and the dust to which I will return someday. The shower chair is being returned. The energy comes in waves and increases a bit each day. When I take care of this body which carries my spirit, I find more reason to surrender, be present and patient in both senses of the word. Thank you for sharing your harvest, dear friends. Thank you.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Ready for Football?
9 September 2012
Football is back! Blood has been drawn. (Cue powerful brass NFL theme song and transformer-like player body slamming the TV screen. Outstretched arms anticipating the pigskin cradled by the elbow and the end zone nearer by the second.
My daughter, father, and two nephews and I attended Vikings training camp. Our daughter fell in love with Devin Aroumashadu, #19. We memorized the roster during the ride to Mankato, MN. Blair Walsh, McLeod Bethel Thompson, Jarius Wright, Marcus Scherels, Chris Kluwe were some of the newer faces on the field that we all admired. After practice, the players made it across the field and crosswalk to Mankato State's dorm and weight room. There were around 90 bikes awaiting their returning owners after practice.
Most players ducked inside and returned dressed in shorts and a t-shirt for the evening ride to dinner. Hanging out with my nephews and daughter, the kids would extend their sharpies and footballs for the autographs. I love how the rookies take time, encourage and talk with the kids.
These perfect strangers allow us into their lives (granted...for a LOT of money). We live vicariously through the roster cuts during pre-season. We hold our breath when the game goes into overtime. We thump our clenched fist and raise our voices at bad calls. We soar when our team wins! Disciplined practices lead up to these sinking and rising moments.
I'm on the practice field. First quarter of pre-season recovery ends today, day 10. Getting so cocky yesterday as I stayed up the whole day, had four additional kids over for play dates, attended three soccer games and made three homemade meals. After that, I thought today would be proof I could handle real time life. Not so much. I fumbled around getting my daughter to Sunday School a few minutes late, barely made it through worship and crashed mildly after in front of the Vikings vs. Jaguars game. This discipline will take time. It's not pain, it's stamina. Maybe this is why newborns sleep so much...they went through the trauma of birth and are exhausted!!!
Into the Green Bay vs. 49ers game, we glimpse former Viking, Randy Moss who disappointed last year. (So, of course this will be a great year for him with the 49ers! He even made the first touchdown for them!!! How dare he!~)
So, I will show up to practice tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day and the next day as we move through these growing pang days of recovery. I'm practicing not to be perfect, but faithful as a daughter of God, husband of batman, mother of three, and woman of strength. Am I ready for some football? YES! Am I ready for full-time, regular life load? Not yet...but it will come. It will come.
Football is back! Blood has been drawn. (Cue powerful brass NFL theme song and transformer-like player body slamming the TV screen. Outstretched arms anticipating the pigskin cradled by the elbow and the end zone nearer by the second.
My daughter, father, and two nephews and I attended Vikings training camp. Our daughter fell in love with Devin Aroumashadu, #19. We memorized the roster during the ride to Mankato, MN. Blair Walsh, McLeod Bethel Thompson, Jarius Wright, Marcus Scherels, Chris Kluwe were some of the newer faces on the field that we all admired. After practice, the players made it across the field and crosswalk to Mankato State's dorm and weight room. There were around 90 bikes awaiting their returning owners after practice.
Most players ducked inside and returned dressed in shorts and a t-shirt for the evening ride to dinner. Hanging out with my nephews and daughter, the kids would extend their sharpies and footballs for the autographs. I love how the rookies take time, encourage and talk with the kids.
These perfect strangers allow us into their lives (granted...for a LOT of money). We live vicariously through the roster cuts during pre-season. We hold our breath when the game goes into overtime. We thump our clenched fist and raise our voices at bad calls. We soar when our team wins! Disciplined practices lead up to these sinking and rising moments.
I'm on the practice field. First quarter of pre-season recovery ends today, day 10. Getting so cocky yesterday as I stayed up the whole day, had four additional kids over for play dates, attended three soccer games and made three homemade meals. After that, I thought today would be proof I could handle real time life. Not so much. I fumbled around getting my daughter to Sunday School a few minutes late, barely made it through worship and crashed mildly after in front of the Vikings vs. Jaguars game. This discipline will take time. It's not pain, it's stamina. Maybe this is why newborns sleep so much...they went through the trauma of birth and are exhausted!!!
Into the Green Bay vs. 49ers game, we glimpse former Viking, Randy Moss who disappointed last year. (So, of course this will be a great year for him with the 49ers! He even made the first touchdown for them!!! How dare he!~)
So, I will show up to practice tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day and the next day as we move through these growing pang days of recovery. I'm practicing not to be perfect, but faithful as a daughter of God, husband of batman, mother of three, and woman of strength. Am I ready for some football? YES! Am I ready for full-time, regular life load? Not yet...but it will come. It will come.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Team work
8 September 2012
I got out~~! I spent the morning on a soccer sideline watching a first time coach (my dear husband) and daughters during their games. All but one girl (my daughter) had played on this team last year. Before she got there, she saw her old coach and team first and started crying almost uncontrollably. "I can't play today. I don't want to play soccer. I have a cold." She grabbed around my waist like she did when she was petrified at four years old. After greeting her old coach and telling her teammates how much she missed them, but that she was playing with her school team, it was time for the new start. (Granted, her grip on my hand was firmly secure.)
After five tissues to wipe tears and nose runs, I introduced her to her coach and let her go. I let her go. No swooping in to save the day. It wasn't my day. I let her go and learn her own strength. It only took a couple friendly faces to settle her nerves. It's tough letting go of the old and saying hello to the new. Then, the chemistry of a team, their rituals, their work done together, and character building in learning acceptance all begin again as the players rub off on one another.
Have you ever been on a team or had to switch teams? It could be anything from sports, choir, work, school. The hospital team each brought their special skills that made and continues to make my recovery better and better each day. They respected one another, asked for input, leaned on each other and learned from who offered each gift. And my steady recovery is a direct result f their work.
Teams are hardest, when people don't carry their weight, don't show up, or don't contribute on the team. Rumors start, feelings are hurt, damage and chaos in sue, and destruction is soon to follow.
Later in the afternoon, some of the players came over to our house. Watching the girls come together in their playing in the back yard as well as coming apart when there was a squabble, and then back together was a process. Learning how a team works means learning compromise, negotiating, listening, saying sorry and I forgive you (and mean it) all builds up these kids' lives. It's not about the game, it's learning how to treat each other in the world. Learning courage and kindness as central parts of teamwork.
My work team continues to be incredibly supportive as I take time off for recovery. The support, encourage, cover, and tell me I am wanted and needed after the recovery. I feel like a wild horse chomping at the bit to get back too soon. It takes all my husbands strength to try and rein me in at times. Shower chair goes back, no more pain medication, stamina markedly better each day, and the fog of anesthesia is lifting.
Think about teams you are involved in and what makes them work? What makes them click? What makes them self-destruct? How do you welcome new people on your team or say goodbye to those who must leave? What would you make time for if your team needed it??
I got out~~! I spent the morning on a soccer sideline watching a first time coach (my dear husband) and daughters during their games. All but one girl (my daughter) had played on this team last year. Before she got there, she saw her old coach and team first and started crying almost uncontrollably. "I can't play today. I don't want to play soccer. I have a cold." She grabbed around my waist like she did when she was petrified at four years old. After greeting her old coach and telling her teammates how much she missed them, but that she was playing with her school team, it was time for the new start. (Granted, her grip on my hand was firmly secure.)
After five tissues to wipe tears and nose runs, I introduced her to her coach and let her go. I let her go. No swooping in to save the day. It wasn't my day. I let her go and learn her own strength. It only took a couple friendly faces to settle her nerves. It's tough letting go of the old and saying hello to the new. Then, the chemistry of a team, their rituals, their work done together, and character building in learning acceptance all begin again as the players rub off on one another.
Have you ever been on a team or had to switch teams? It could be anything from sports, choir, work, school. The hospital team each brought their special skills that made and continues to make my recovery better and better each day. They respected one another, asked for input, leaned on each other and learned from who offered each gift. And my steady recovery is a direct result f their work.
Teams are hardest, when people don't carry their weight, don't show up, or don't contribute on the team. Rumors start, feelings are hurt, damage and chaos in sue, and destruction is soon to follow.
Later in the afternoon, some of the players came over to our house. Watching the girls come together in their playing in the back yard as well as coming apart when there was a squabble, and then back together was a process. Learning how a team works means learning compromise, negotiating, listening, saying sorry and I forgive you (and mean it) all builds up these kids' lives. It's not about the game, it's learning how to treat each other in the world. Learning courage and kindness as central parts of teamwork.
My work team continues to be incredibly supportive as I take time off for recovery. The support, encourage, cover, and tell me I am wanted and needed after the recovery. I feel like a wild horse chomping at the bit to get back too soon. It takes all my husbands strength to try and rein me in at times. Shower chair goes back, no more pain medication, stamina markedly better each day, and the fog of anesthesia is lifting.
Think about teams you are involved in and what makes them work? What makes them click? What makes them self-destruct? How do you welcome new people on your team or say goodbye to those who must leave? What would you make time for if your team needed it??
Friday, September 7, 2012
Family rules
7 September 2012
I have a craving to watch the Godfather triology. Why? Maybe it's seeing a movie made the year I was born. It could be seeing legends like Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Diane Keaton, Robert Duvall, James Caan... in their earlier days. Or perhaps the fanciful Italian dancing music at the wedding as someone sings, "Luna Mezz' 'O Mare" (otherwise known to us outsiders as Hey Mama) or the lilting, forlorn Godfather theme song, "Speak Softly Love". I have no idea other than I love being engrossed in "the family" and catching the inside phrases that we still hear bantered around culture today. "I'm gonna make him an offer that he can't refuse." "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." "It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." "Never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking." "Never hate your enemies - it effects your judgement." "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." "Take it to the mattresses." This was the only one clear movie series I wanted to watch while recovering, and today might be that day.
Maybe it taps into the spoken and unspoken rules of my family. Here are a few in my family: Never have anyone over until the house is spotless. Emotions are not to be expressed outwardly. Be tough. Have respect. Remember that any action you make reflects on the entire family. Work hard. Sacrifice for your family. Love is expressed through loyalty. Keep your private life private. Don't insert yourself where you don't belong. Love your neighbor as yourself. Always go to church and serve God every moment of your life.
Family expectations and rules happen in all families and typically there is a reason they exist. Those reasons may have happened a few generations ago, but still are enacted today. As my aunt died yesterday, I have been thinking about families. We are called together, no matter how different and a connection claims us whether we act on it or not. Most families put the "fun" in dys'fun'ctional. For better for worse, for richer or poorer...we all have them and they have us.
I have a craving to watch the Godfather triology. Why? Maybe it's seeing a movie made the year I was born. It could be seeing legends like Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Diane Keaton, Robert Duvall, James Caan... in their earlier days. Or perhaps the fanciful Italian dancing music at the wedding as someone sings, "Luna Mezz' 'O Mare" (otherwise known to us outsiders as Hey Mama) or the lilting, forlorn Godfather theme song, "Speak Softly Love". I have no idea other than I love being engrossed in "the family" and catching the inside phrases that we still hear bantered around culture today. "I'm gonna make him an offer that he can't refuse." "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." "It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes." "Never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking." "Never hate your enemies - it effects your judgement." "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." "Take it to the mattresses." This was the only one clear movie series I wanted to watch while recovering, and today might be that day.
Maybe it taps into the spoken and unspoken rules of my family. Here are a few in my family: Never have anyone over until the house is spotless. Emotions are not to be expressed outwardly. Be tough. Have respect. Remember that any action you make reflects on the entire family. Work hard. Sacrifice for your family. Love is expressed through loyalty. Keep your private life private. Don't insert yourself where you don't belong. Love your neighbor as yourself. Always go to church and serve God every moment of your life.
Family expectations and rules happen in all families and typically there is a reason they exist. Those reasons may have happened a few generations ago, but still are enacted today. As my aunt died yesterday, I have been thinking about families. We are called together, no matter how different and a connection claims us whether we act on it or not. Most families put the "fun" in dys'fun'ctional. For better for worse, for richer or poorer...we all have them and they have us.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Bird Watching
6 September 2012
I feed birds. Have you noticed when you feed birds there are a couple types that arrive, grackles or sparrows. I confess that I love both. The grackles get to know you as an individual who provides food. They will follow you in your car up to three blocks. Sparrows have different charm. They stick together. Rather than compete for food, they simple stick together and trust there will be enough for everyone.
There is a lesson we can learn.
"Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:24
"The bird also has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young. Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God." Psalm 84:3
"What is the price of two sparrows-one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." Matthew 10:29
You matter. You are loved. You are provided for by a God who cares about what happens in your life today as well as tomorrow. Those birds I see each morning are a reminder that the personality, life and character present in each living creatures holds the breath of God inside. Share this life with dignity. It is an eternal gift in your hands.
I feed birds. Have you noticed when you feed birds there are a couple types that arrive, grackles or sparrows. I confess that I love both. The grackles get to know you as an individual who provides food. They will follow you in your car up to three blocks. Sparrows have different charm. They stick together. Rather than compete for food, they simple stick together and trust there will be enough for everyone.
There is a lesson we can learn.
"Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" Luke 12:24
"The bird also has found a house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young. Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God." Psalm 84:3
"What is the price of two sparrows-one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." Matthew 10:29
You matter. You are loved. You are provided for by a God who cares about what happens in your life today as well as tomorrow. Those birds I see each morning are a reminder that the personality, life and character present in each living creatures holds the breath of God inside. Share this life with dignity. It is an eternal gift in your hands.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Saying no...try it
5 September 2012
What a day! Energy returns more and more each day and today was stellar in that manner. No naps, high energy, a friend came over to visit, and almost off ibuprofen. I visited with an old friend yesterday who in his 80's still keeps track of everything that happens back here. He moved a few years ago and knows how to tune into online radio broadcasts, stays up to date on world events, and shares his wisdom, which is a priceless gift.
The day also has a preoccupation with my Aunt who is dying. I wish I could be there for my family. Emotion and death are not something we "do" well on that side. My instinct or reflex when they needed someone to be there to help with closure was to a) find a friend who could drive the 8 hours with me b) hop on a plane and play into my "save the day" complex or c) stay put, recover and pray constantly because God always provides for us in ways we do not fully understand.
While I would love to say c), I was one click away from being on a plane at 5:23am tomorrow morning. It tears me up when I cannot be there for my family and it rips me open to say the word "no". The only reason I didn't click was that my husband was opposed to the idea (and rightly so...I do get that). For over a year, I have had a new mantra or promise in my marriage, that I will listen to my husband. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will agree with my husband, but it does mean that I will listen and try to understand where he is coming from. I've learned over the past year that the reason he says most things comes out of care and concern for me when I am on the verge of making a costly decision. I've learned to trust that he has my best interest at heart even when it infuriates me at times. (I might add that it only took 10+ years of marriage to get that close to sinking into my brain.)
Most of the time, it has to do with saying no instead of yes. Whenever you or I say yes to something, it also means we are saying no to something or someone else. Yet, at the moment of saying yes, we tend to get positive strokes or re-enforcement, not fully grasping the impact that one moment will have on our lives and the lives of those whom we love.
We have an opportunity to choose our words carefully, listen, and understand why we are saying either yes or no. Could it be that I think God can't handle this one without me? Audacious, don't you think? The Creator of heaven and earth more than likely has things handled. There is one Savior and you and I aren't it. Jesus came to save us from our sins and probably from ourselves at times. It takes us time to listen to what Jesus is saying to us and believe He has our best interest at heart. We may even become infuriated, but with time we learn that God always has our best interest at heart.
Trust that God will see you and your loved ones through today. You don't have to be the one who saves the day anymore than I do...God saves the day and our lives. If we are going to say "yes"... say "yes" to God and try saying "no" to being God.
P.S. When all was said and done, I chose c) ;)
What a day! Energy returns more and more each day and today was stellar in that manner. No naps, high energy, a friend came over to visit, and almost off ibuprofen. I visited with an old friend yesterday who in his 80's still keeps track of everything that happens back here. He moved a few years ago and knows how to tune into online radio broadcasts, stays up to date on world events, and shares his wisdom, which is a priceless gift.
The day also has a preoccupation with my Aunt who is dying. I wish I could be there for my family. Emotion and death are not something we "do" well on that side. My instinct or reflex when they needed someone to be there to help with closure was to a) find a friend who could drive the 8 hours with me b) hop on a plane and play into my "save the day" complex or c) stay put, recover and pray constantly because God always provides for us in ways we do not fully understand.
While I would love to say c), I was one click away from being on a plane at 5:23am tomorrow morning. It tears me up when I cannot be there for my family and it rips me open to say the word "no". The only reason I didn't click was that my husband was opposed to the idea (and rightly so...I do get that). For over a year, I have had a new mantra or promise in my marriage, that I will listen to my husband. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will agree with my husband, but it does mean that I will listen and try to understand where he is coming from. I've learned over the past year that the reason he says most things comes out of care and concern for me when I am on the verge of making a costly decision. I've learned to trust that he has my best interest at heart even when it infuriates me at times. (I might add that it only took 10+ years of marriage to get that close to sinking into my brain.)
Most of the time, it has to do with saying no instead of yes. Whenever you or I say yes to something, it also means we are saying no to something or someone else. Yet, at the moment of saying yes, we tend to get positive strokes or re-enforcement, not fully grasping the impact that one moment will have on our lives and the lives of those whom we love.
We have an opportunity to choose our words carefully, listen, and understand why we are saying either yes or no. Could it be that I think God can't handle this one without me? Audacious, don't you think? The Creator of heaven and earth more than likely has things handled. There is one Savior and you and I aren't it. Jesus came to save us from our sins and probably from ourselves at times. It takes us time to listen to what Jesus is saying to us and believe He has our best interest at heart. We may even become infuriated, but with time we learn that God always has our best interest at heart.
Trust that God will see you and your loved ones through today. You don't have to be the one who saves the day anymore than I do...God saves the day and our lives. If we are going to say "yes"... say "yes" to God and try saying "no" to being God.
P.S. When all was said and done, I chose c) ;)
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Tired of playing "The Game"?
5 September 2012
Have you ever started your day, week, month, or year out like the eager puppy who keeps her eye on the ball? No other thought enters your brain except to go fetch the ball...go fetch the ball... and you keep going and going and going until you are about to collapse? And you overdo it before realizing you've gone too far (again)... you body flung out on the soft bed of exhaustion as you pant long enough to catch your breath. This isn't a new act for me. I am abnormally good (or exceptionally bad) at it. Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Crap! I can't do it all. Collapse. No surprise to those witnessing it, but why is it I haven't I caught on earlier than this?
I am trying to stop playing the game. It's absurd and nobody wins. So today, my first official day of sick leave (since I technically have summers off)...I read a book. I became absorbed in a fictitious world while lying in bed with the windows open. The crisp, delicious 62 degree breeze wafted through the room while hunkered down under the covers. I sprang up early and did a couple family errands and needed that rest by 8:30 am... but there was also something releasing about letting go for a few hours.
Later, the sun and a book... but those annoying wasps I have been strategically killing with orange pop traps were taking their revenge around me. The sounds of the final moving day next door brought a mournful pall for much of the day outside until I insulated myself inside the walls of sheet rock and two by fours. Then later, I visited with both the old and new neighbors simultaneously, stirring emotions like a drink mixed too strongly for a lightweight.
Physically, if you try doing this...borrow the old lady shower chair...seriously! Take your naps. Read your book. Bask in the sun. Take your medication until you figure out what this new body has in store. Men don't realize all women go through. Periods, cramps, bras, mood swings, pregnancy, labor, delivery, lactating, joints moving apart and back together, weaning, hormones, hot flashes, night sweats, flush, memory lapses, emotions... and all this takes place over decades instead of days. No wonder men have pause over menopause. I think they are constantly trying to catch up on what has happened that week or month! Yet, it is a natural process that we needn't be afraid to acknowledge. We are women and you can hear us roaring (or howling?). No games. Just real life.
Have you ever started your day, week, month, or year out like the eager puppy who keeps her eye on the ball? No other thought enters your brain except to go fetch the ball...go fetch the ball... and you keep going and going and going until you are about to collapse? And you overdo it before realizing you've gone too far (again)... you body flung out on the soft bed of exhaustion as you pant long enough to catch your breath. This isn't a new act for me. I am abnormally good (or exceptionally bad) at it. Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Crap! I can't do it all. Collapse. No surprise to those witnessing it, but why is it I haven't I caught on earlier than this?
I am trying to stop playing the game. It's absurd and nobody wins. So today, my first official day of sick leave (since I technically have summers off)...I read a book. I became absorbed in a fictitious world while lying in bed with the windows open. The crisp, delicious 62 degree breeze wafted through the room while hunkered down under the covers. I sprang up early and did a couple family errands and needed that rest by 8:30 am... but there was also something releasing about letting go for a few hours.
Later, the sun and a book... but those annoying wasps I have been strategically killing with orange pop traps were taking their revenge around me. The sounds of the final moving day next door brought a mournful pall for much of the day outside until I insulated myself inside the walls of sheet rock and two by fours. Then later, I visited with both the old and new neighbors simultaneously, stirring emotions like a drink mixed too strongly for a lightweight.
Physically, if you try doing this...borrow the old lady shower chair...seriously! Take your naps. Read your book. Bask in the sun. Take your medication until you figure out what this new body has in store. Men don't realize all women go through. Periods, cramps, bras, mood swings, pregnancy, labor, delivery, lactating, joints moving apart and back together, weaning, hormones, hot flashes, night sweats, flush, memory lapses, emotions... and all this takes place over decades instead of days. No wonder men have pause over menopause. I think they are constantly trying to catch up on what has happened that week or month! Yet, it is a natural process that we needn't be afraid to acknowledge. We are women and you can hear us roaring (or howling?). No games. Just real life.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Embracing Change
3 September 2012
I don't think I could sleep anymore if I tried. I think I could even give our college age son a run for his money on sleeping these days. Today I woke up at 10:30 am. This after going to bed at 1 am and waking up at 2 am, 3 am for ibuprofen and a snack!, and 4am. The morning blurred by with the relaxed fashion of Saturday morning on a Labor Day Monday. Girls busy playing together with a dance program on the Wii, reflective conversation with my husband while enjoyed late morning coffee and a trip around the garden.
Change surrounds us today. Our dear neighbors move tomorrow. They finished cleaning out the frig, scrubbing down the stove, pulling out the washer and dryer, packing up the last bits of life that looks useful but is a bugger to find a place for when boxing things up. Their oldest daughter is self-sufficient these days being a college graduate in a new job. Their youngest heading out today for her first year of college...car packed to the gills as her head barely shows through the rear view window. Down-sizing life has been a summer process for the couple...realizing that change of pace, space, and aging faces will fit a lifetime into smaller and smaller rooms. Funny how we start by having our own room in life (if we are fortunate enough) and end in one room at the end of a hallway in some assisted living space. Even our spouse may be on a different floor.
Last times happened this weekend for many. Last boat rides, campfires, water ski or tubing rides, family gatherings at a ritual spot that marks summer in the Midwest. Cars return with sun kissed faces, bikes take some of their last spins around the neighborhood as a family outing, and outdoor projects are finished up until next spring. We feel the changes all around us as the unspoken fall and first snows push themselves into our awareness. Tailgating, Sunday football, Saturday soccer games in the cold, sports practices and school assignments reign as the sun sets earlier and earlier each night.
Harvesting zucchini (which I am never 100% sure how to spell no matter how many times I look it up!) persistent cucumbers and ever on their own schedule tomatoes made for an afternoon of winter stashing so we can enjoy the produce when 39 degrees below zero hits as it does almost every year. Winds howl as the weather moves through reminding us that if we didn't know the season, it could be mistaken for bitter wind chills and dry snow swirling through the trees and over a barren landscape. It's coming... ready or not. Change steadily preparing us each day for going inward and reaching outward.
What will these changes mean for us this year? They are common enough, yet every season has hallmarks that distinguish it for another. Bodily changes or seasonal changes... they both carry their rhythm steadily...unstoppable in their determination, confidence and purpose. Letting go of the last season and embracing the next. 40 cannot be 30 anymore than fall can be summer.
We enjoyed a meal from a friend as she stayed and shared her time as well. Both precious gifts as our souls rub off on one another. A meal is another reminder of eternity and things that matter the most...being fed physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Physically today's energy has increased and then crashed by 8:30pm. I feel like a child being put to bed early or an old woman who cannot make it to the 10 o'clock news. I am not taking my bowels for granted this past week. Who knew stool softeners and gas x would be companions for the week?!? I feel my guts struggling to regain their regularly scheduled program. I have estrogen strapped on my arm like a boy scout patch to prevent hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and bone loss. My husband asked how long that would last if I took the patch off. When I said up to six years, he was literally stunned and a bit scared (I think... although he wouldn't admit that in a million years! ).
The day has changed into night. Embrace the ending that a new beginning might be born.
I don't think I could sleep anymore if I tried. I think I could even give our college age son a run for his money on sleeping these days. Today I woke up at 10:30 am. This after going to bed at 1 am and waking up at 2 am, 3 am for ibuprofen and a snack!, and 4am. The morning blurred by with the relaxed fashion of Saturday morning on a Labor Day Monday. Girls busy playing together with a dance program on the Wii, reflective conversation with my husband while enjoyed late morning coffee and a trip around the garden.
Change surrounds us today. Our dear neighbors move tomorrow. They finished cleaning out the frig, scrubbing down the stove, pulling out the washer and dryer, packing up the last bits of life that looks useful but is a bugger to find a place for when boxing things up. Their oldest daughter is self-sufficient these days being a college graduate in a new job. Their youngest heading out today for her first year of college...car packed to the gills as her head barely shows through the rear view window. Down-sizing life has been a summer process for the couple...realizing that change of pace, space, and aging faces will fit a lifetime into smaller and smaller rooms. Funny how we start by having our own room in life (if we are fortunate enough) and end in one room at the end of a hallway in some assisted living space. Even our spouse may be on a different floor.
Last times happened this weekend for many. Last boat rides, campfires, water ski or tubing rides, family gatherings at a ritual spot that marks summer in the Midwest. Cars return with sun kissed faces, bikes take some of their last spins around the neighborhood as a family outing, and outdoor projects are finished up until next spring. We feel the changes all around us as the unspoken fall and first snows push themselves into our awareness. Tailgating, Sunday football, Saturday soccer games in the cold, sports practices and school assignments reign as the sun sets earlier and earlier each night.
Harvesting zucchini (which I am never 100% sure how to spell no matter how many times I look it up!) persistent cucumbers and ever on their own schedule tomatoes made for an afternoon of winter stashing so we can enjoy the produce when 39 degrees below zero hits as it does almost every year. Winds howl as the weather moves through reminding us that if we didn't know the season, it could be mistaken for bitter wind chills and dry snow swirling through the trees and over a barren landscape. It's coming... ready or not. Change steadily preparing us each day for going inward and reaching outward.
What will these changes mean for us this year? They are common enough, yet every season has hallmarks that distinguish it for another. Bodily changes or seasonal changes... they both carry their rhythm steadily...unstoppable in their determination, confidence and purpose. Letting go of the last season and embracing the next. 40 cannot be 30 anymore than fall can be summer.
We enjoyed a meal from a friend as she stayed and shared her time as well. Both precious gifts as our souls rub off on one another. A meal is another reminder of eternity and things that matter the most...being fed physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Physically today's energy has increased and then crashed by 8:30pm. I feel like a child being put to bed early or an old woman who cannot make it to the 10 o'clock news. I am not taking my bowels for granted this past week. Who knew stool softeners and gas x would be companions for the week?!? I feel my guts struggling to regain their regularly scheduled program. I have estrogen strapped on my arm like a boy scout patch to prevent hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and bone loss. My husband asked how long that would last if I took the patch off. When I said up to six years, he was literally stunned and a bit scared (I think... although he wouldn't admit that in a million years! ).
The day has changed into night. Embrace the ending that a new beginning might be born.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Exuberant Life!
2 September 2012
God is good all the time! Celebration marks a turning point today. Hooo Ahhh!!! Our dear daughter is nine years old and the wisdom God granted her shines through her smile. Life contains these tiny, timeless moments that offer us the beauty of life. Yet, all too often, they are squelched by time constraints, schedules, commitments, pressures and efforts to become God rather than rely on God. A child's sparkling smile, the wind sweeping through fall leaves, the rising harvest moon, the humming bird's dance over sweet nectar... all await our presence. God resides in each moment. Taking time to savor God's goodness is what church-y types call sabbath. Another way to describe this is holy rest.
Holy rest is a practice of residing in the eternal presence here and now. I begin realizing that today (again) as pain decreases as I refocus each breath. (I must be a slow learner!) The reality that each breath is precious was brought home by my Aunt T last night. She almost took her last breath on earth. Her lungs have a disease that makes her more fragile. The history of her life could fill a book easily. Heartache, pain, violation, death, widowhood, rebirth and reflection along with a lot (a LOT!) of sassiness endears her to most anyone. Her crusty bark is louder than her survivor soul. And death becomes the teacher once again as our breaths are numbered on this earth.
Why does death end up being our teacher so often? We spent so much time and energy keeping death at bay. Appearances dictate our commitents more than ethics. Words like Republican or Democrat, right and left, male or female too often creates lines in the sand...especially during this election year. We set our focus on keeping things up so that rust, becoming outdated or out-"tech"ed, deterioration or delapidation doesn't settle on our identity.
Take a holy rest, batman! Is it possible that we could realize in the here and now that we have eternal life today!?! Could I/we ever wise up long enough to carry that reality and let it show in our daily awareness? It lightens the load when we do.
So, even though this earthly body that houses my spirit has bruises around incision sites, scars on the emotional heart, pain that has me acting like a rechargeable battery both gearing up and slowing down, and lungs that are very touchy due to asthma, (and heaven forbid I lift anything that weighs more than a gallon of milk...) I take a holy rest instead of a flying leap. Why don't you do the same...at least for a moment. After all, what else are you going to do right now? Let the moment pass?
God is good all the time! Celebration marks a turning point today. Hooo Ahhh!!! Our dear daughter is nine years old and the wisdom God granted her shines through her smile. Life contains these tiny, timeless moments that offer us the beauty of life. Yet, all too often, they are squelched by time constraints, schedules, commitments, pressures and efforts to become God rather than rely on God. A child's sparkling smile, the wind sweeping through fall leaves, the rising harvest moon, the humming bird's dance over sweet nectar... all await our presence. God resides in each moment. Taking time to savor God's goodness is what church-y types call sabbath. Another way to describe this is holy rest.
Holy rest is a practice of residing in the eternal presence here and now. I begin realizing that today (again) as pain decreases as I refocus each breath. (I must be a slow learner!) The reality that each breath is precious was brought home by my Aunt T last night. She almost took her last breath on earth. Her lungs have a disease that makes her more fragile. The history of her life could fill a book easily. Heartache, pain, violation, death, widowhood, rebirth and reflection along with a lot (a LOT!) of sassiness endears her to most anyone. Her crusty bark is louder than her survivor soul. And death becomes the teacher once again as our breaths are numbered on this earth.
Why does death end up being our teacher so often? We spent so much time and energy keeping death at bay. Appearances dictate our commitents more than ethics. Words like Republican or Democrat, right and left, male or female too often creates lines in the sand...especially during this election year. We set our focus on keeping things up so that rust, becoming outdated or out-"tech"ed, deterioration or delapidation doesn't settle on our identity.
Take a holy rest, batman! Is it possible that we could realize in the here and now that we have eternal life today!?! Could I/we ever wise up long enough to carry that reality and let it show in our daily awareness? It lightens the load when we do.
So, even though this earthly body that houses my spirit has bruises around incision sites, scars on the emotional heart, pain that has me acting like a rechargeable battery both gearing up and slowing down, and lungs that are very touchy due to asthma, (and heaven forbid I lift anything that weighs more than a gallon of milk...) I take a holy rest instead of a flying leap. Why don't you do the same...at least for a moment. After all, what else are you going to do right now? Let the moment pass?
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Haunting Memories
1 September 2012
Nine years ago my husband and I awaited the birth of our first child. She was a miracle child of sorts. Now, the womb that held both she and our second child is forever gone. Endometriosis plagued my gut for most of my reproductive life. It strangled tubes, plastered ovaries in odd positions, cellophaned my uterus and eventually wound around my bowels and edged onto my stomach. A bit more than I thought they would find.
It's a pain-filled day today. The scrapping they did on top of the hysterectomy and oophorectomy (ovary removal) leaves me feeling raw inside. The physical pain gnaws away. For all those who say recovery is a piece of cake...keep it to yourselves! It's hard to give up independence, ask for help, play by the rules. Endurance hasn't arrived. I wake, visit, sleep, wake, visit, sleep. Today, I stayed up all day and am shot.
There is a blend of the past and the present in today. My parents just left as they did when Rachel was born. There is joy from having been able to give birth when most women with this disease don't have that opportunity or gift. The loss of a time period and chapter in life.
Solace. There is a quietness in today.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)